Why I Hate Cusco, Peru: My 10 Reasons

I think I hate Cusco, Peru. It feels good to say that out loud. Maybe I am being unfair to this Peruvian city. After all everyone says the food, history, and culture are all brilliant. It could just be me. On the other hand, the problem could be all the hype. Sometimes when your expectations are too high you can’t help but get disappointed. Everyone said how great Cusco was, but I must have been listening to hippies strung out on shrooms and Coca tea.

No, I hate Cusco for several reasons, but most of all it felt fake…unauthentic. The idea of a disingenuous city really bothers me. It was as if I was constantly being played for a fool. So much of what the internet promised just wasn’t delivered. Yes, there are at least 10 reasons why I hate Cusco, but most circle back to the fact that it was more geared toward uninformed tourists then travelers. It is like the locals try to anticipate what we feel Cusco should look like as opposed to what it naturally is. So how was Cusco Peru on a whole? All I can say is I am glad I will never return.

As mentioned maybe I am being unfair, and my experience was unique. Afterall, I did have a lot of bad things happen to me while visiting. Not the least of which I was battling a 102.5 fever part of the time. It magically went away when I got onto the train to Machu Picchu. No, thinking back, I am looking at this with objective eyes, I am right, so here are the ten reasons why I hated Cusco, Peru.

The Locals try to Milk You Constantly

I really enjoyed my first few days in Lima, maybe not so much the end of the trip, but the first few days were really nice (more on that later). Then we got into a taxi in Cusco. I was immediatly asked if I could have a tour operator jump in. I reluctantly said yes (why I don’t know), and we were pitched two tours… and he was angry we didn’t get more. Now I knew about all these places he pushed, yet he talked to me like the internet didn’t exist.

We get on the first tour, it was fine, but of course two different people were selling us items on the bus. Then after we are exhausted, hungry, and sun burnt, the guide drags us to an Alpaca shop. I wanted to buy Alpaca clothing, but I am not going to support being ambushed. I am a scheduled person. When you are running two hours late and try to hustle me, not buying what you’re selling.

The Food Could Be Poison

Peruvian food in Cusco ran through me so fast I needed to buy a second asshole. It felt like I ate a little person who was always trying to kick his way out of me. I read all these blogs that give me information. Saying as long as you are careful about the water, street food, salads etc… you will be fine. I don’t want to live my vacation thinking a piece of ice will keep me on the toilet so long that it will fuse to my arse. Sorry about being crass, but it is like a minefield for your colon. Have I mentioned I really hated Cusco?

When you get to a place where you cannot even brush your teeth without the possibility of death, I am cool. To be honest I am not unconvinced that my sickness was not a result of the drinks with ice I had the night before. To make matters worse they even tempt you. Pisco sours include ice and a raw egg. I cannot think of a worse combination in a country whose national animals are the Bears from the Charmin commercials.

Let’s Talk About the Toilet Paper Situation

How do I put this gently? In Cusco, (as in all of Peru), there is a little garbage next to the toilet for the toilet paper. The dirty toilet paper goes into it. If you need more info on this just google it, because I am grossed out just writing this. I have been in areas that did this in the past, but this was worse.

Somehow a country where everyone must “go” 50 times a day due to their wretched water, doesn’t set up a proper sewer system. The result is a combination of smells like one has never experienced. I once saw a video where a man was cleaning an elephant. The elephant tripped and the man’s head went directly up the animals Arse. At times I envied that man for the fresh air he was experiencing. Even in 5-star hotels, the stank could be nauseating. It is a memory I am trying to block out. God, I hate Cusco.

The Food Wasn’t Even Good

Another reason I hate Cusco, Peru was the quality of the food. Maybe this is for the best since it was poison anyway, but I didn’t have a great or even too many good meals in Cusco. The local foods, (if they were local), were all just bad. There are some exceptions, I loved Alpaca steak (see below), but overall, the food in Cusco was terrible. Lima had better food by far, not even a question.

Cuy or Guinee pig was awful, which might be surprising to some of the readers out there. Who knew a hairy rat would taste so bad? What was worse was the market didn’t have anything edible either. Besides being bowel inducing, it was flavorless. Yes, it was cheap, but so is going through the garbage. Obviously, it was not clean (that was a given), I knew that. It should at least be good. The chicken soup was bland and dry. What happen to all these famous Peruvian spices?

The Touts: God I Hate Cusco, Peru

Probably one of the things I hated most about Cusco was the nonstop harassments from people trying to sell you things. Related to number one I thought these idiots needed their own section. Everyone has to make a buck, I get it; but I go on vacation to be relaxed. Every two seconds, especially in the more touristy areas it’s “hey let me sell you this authentic Peruvian item that was made in China.

You will be harassed, lied to (I don’t believe that your art was hand made from your indigenous great grandfather), and followed. It is tiring. Everyone sells the same generic items, and they block your path until you buy something or shove past them. One instance stands out in my mind, looking at a fountain and in the corner of my eye I see a guy leap from his bench to sell me something. I yelled Damn it. I did not need my peace to be interrupted by someone pushing the same stale art I have seen a million times before.

The Beat Necks

God, if I saw one more manbun I think I would puke out my dry chicken soup. Sprawled through the city are these “enlightened” hippies with their ragged backpacks, looking like they haven’t showered in a month. Walking with their equally unkept women with dreads, acting like they are so cultured.

Pouring out of their hostels at noon to go one of the millions of coffee shops or vegetarian restaurants to get a carrot steak and a smoothie. These are the type of Americans who believe the locals are in fact natives and not just wearing a Halloween costume. These hippies are sporting their “I hate capitalisms pins”, even though their trip is being funded by their banker mommies and daddies, it just makes me hate Cusco even more. They are the worst type of traveler. Any city that has more vegan restaurants than bars is attracting a bad element.

The Altitude/Sun

I know the Altitude is the first thing people complain about, and it really is that bad. I was tired and felt weird most of the trip. What got me most of all was what it did to my rest. I don’t think I slept more than two hours a night in Cusco, I just felt strange most of the time. Besides what it did to my rest, I felt off. Winded with almost no energy. Yes, I was sick part of the time, but it was more than that. When we went a few thousand feet lower in Machu Picchu I immediatly felt better. The altitude is no joke, but neither is the sun.

I know the sun is everywhere, but I was closer to it here than I have ever been. It sneaks up on you, during what was supposed to be the rainy season I got sun blisters on my face along with a wicked sun burn. The city just was never comfortable, there is always something that can kill you. I have been to 24 countries, but I never felt worse than in Cusco, Peru.

In the City, there isn’t Much to Do

I explored Cusco in about a day, there is just not a lot to it. Yes, there are a million tours one can take, but those are all day long excursions. I want to be able to leave my hotel room and walk to a few great museums or attractions. The square is very nice (see above), the market was not so great, but that is it. People told me to roam the San Blas neighborhood, which I did. It was hilly and OK, give it two hours and move on. Really, you go to Machu Picchu and maybe the Rainbow Mountain then you are done. It is just lacking the atmosphere and attractions of a bigger city.

No one Cared

You ever been in a situation where everything was a shite show? That is Cusco. As the lice infested hippies mentioned above would tell you “They aren’t constrained by the pressures of American life”. Translation: Many People are lazy. Small example, we needed a return taxi back from the train after visiting Machu Picchu. Calling the front desk, they guy yells “didn’t you make reservations with him already”? He didn’t want to help. Nor did the guy fixing the A/C when the room was about 77 degrees. This is a 5-Star hotel.

Everything was a cluster Phuck. Going to the market and staring at the sign that says closes at 6PM, only to see a closed market at 2PM. Bars that shutter two hours early for no apparent reason. Bartenders who can’t (literally) make Pisco Sours. Everyone wanted my business, no one wanted to give me good service. I don’t want to be pampered, just given what I am promised.

It is Just Fake

And so, we end where we started. Everything about Cusco felt phony. With millions of tourists going to Machu Picchu it is expected there will be some tourist traps. The problem is the whole city is a tourist trap. The women wearing “traditional gear” are locals who buy their costumes at the market. Yes, there are historical landmarks, but they are never organic. The twelve-angle stone for example is an important place but was surrounded by people telling me its story (for a fee).

Running into a man in full fake Mayan gear, probably which he picked up at Party City. Nothing felt natural. Yes, other cities like Rome are touristy, yet you still just randomly come across some historical statue or old grave. Cusco felt like a theme park, set up for what locals think tourists want rather than anything authentic.

Conclusion: Why I Hate Cusco, Peru

I won’t win any popularity contests with this post. So many travel bloggers fawn all over this place… I just don’t see it. What is funny is I loved Machu Picchu, and everyone said that is too touristy and not worth it. Maybe, but at least you know it was real at one point. As said earlier, in my opinion spend as little time in Cusco, Peru as possible.